Baby's things are just too cute!!! Trying to get rid of mummy's and daddy's stuff to make room in the nursery. Wish I was more minimalist! My favourite author as a child was Enid Blyton- I loved the imagination and fantasy of the Faraway tree and Wishing Tree (and the handy moral stories hidden within!). Our nursery will be enchanted forest theme to honour this. I can't wait to reexperience these books with our Baby! Now I just need to get hubby to give up his man cave so I can start decorating!! 
Over the past two weeks, after my 12 week scan and receiving the blood test results, I have told three bosses (2 male, 1 female) and one manager (female). All with very different responses! Anyway, this blog isn't about them, it's about me, and the experience of telling my colleagues, mentors, and friends about this life-changing event really made me hyper-aware of one major issue. That is: LIFE AS I KNOW IT IS GOING TO C.H.A.N.G.E.
Having Baby is such an exciting event for hubby and I - we always planned to have children and a family, and when I met him, I always knew I wanted to have his children/ be the mother of his children/ create a family with him/ see him as a father (cue hallmark advertisement where Mummy is secretly looking in on Daddy lovingly rocking and singing baby to sleep, and then he softly plants a kiss on said baby's head). We talked about it, we dreamed about it, we pictured it in our minds. Well, it turns out, it's all happening. NOW. In six short short SHORT months, we will have a child to look after. A little human. A miniature person who is half me and half Hubby. Who is completely dependent on us. I've have 3 months so far to ponder this, and I feel like it's still sinking in. When I was telling my bosses, and creating plans for maternity leave, it really made things real. I love my jobs and have worked fairly hard to achieve goals and targets. I enjoy being at work and I admit it, it does define me as a person a lot. Look, I am well-rounded with a lot of hobbies and relationships, but I spend so much time and energy on my profession and my clients that I feel my career really is a core segment of my self-concept. I see life through the prism of my profession. To a large degree, I feel that I perceive things, interpret things, and react to information exactly the way I do because of my training and experience via work. I like to think of myself as a career woman, who contributes to society and gives something to the world everyday. When I've been on holiday, I've been known to become slightly melancholic when no-one has asked my opinion on anything, or if I haven't done anything worthwhile. So when my higher-ups and I were discussing being on leave for 6 months to 12 months, it really raised mild but definite feelings of anxiety and panic. WHAT WILL I DO? I imagine a huge amount of mums-to-be feel this way, and when Baby comes, I assume my priorities will change and I will give up anything and everything to keep Baby safe and healthy and happy. That's evolution, right? This hallowed maternal instinct? Now, however, the idea of not having somewhere to be, people not expecting me somewhere, having no appointments, is a little scary. My day planner runs my life for me at the moment, and I can't imagine whole days/weeks/ months where the whole day lists: "Stay at home and look after Baby". My own Mum, when I was little, was a stay at home Mum (SAHM), and I loved having her around all the time for me- school drop-offs, pickups, library visits, helping me with homework, staying home with me when I was sick, cooking every night, and just being Supermum. When I think about the type of Mum I want to be, I think of my Mum. She is still a role model and inspiration to me and I would be happy being exactly the type of Mum she is. But can I do it? Will I be able to be so self-less? Maybe I'm too narcissistic and selfish? Or maybe I'll be an even better Mum because I have something that keeps me happy outside of being a Mum? Will we even be able to afford for me to be a SAHM? What if I return to work and feel resentful because I want to be at home? What if I'm stuck at home and feel resentful because I want to be at work? Well, I don't know what the future holds. All I know for certain is that it will be SOME RIDE!! I'm doing a seriously epic shop at Coles. I'm not sure the pregnant woman in our household should be doing this! The cart is heavy on the carbs.. ;) 
The pic above shows the combined results of my age, blood pathology results, and 12 week ultrasound scan.
Based on my results, 12 week ultrasound (including NT measurement) and age (34), our combined risk ratio is 1 in 7990 for Down's syndrome and 1 in 39600 for Trisomy 18. Good news! These are standard tests that are offered to mums-to-be in Australia - the bloods were Medicare funded, but the ultrasound was $230 (of which about $50 is rebated). The nuchal thickness test is where they measure on ultrasound a collection of fluid under the skin at the back of baby's neck. It can be measured at 11 to 13 weeks 6 days of pregnancy using ultrasound. All babies have some of this fluid, but in most babies with Down syndrome the amount of this fluid is increased. More info here. Some info: Trisomy 18 is also called Edwards syndrome and is a condition which is caused by a error in cell division, known as meiotic disjunction. Unlike Down syndrome, which also is caused by a chromosomal defect, the developmental issues caused by Trisomy 18 are associated with medical complications that are more potentially life-threatening in the early months and years of life. 50% of babies who are carried to term will be stillborn. At birth, less than 10 percent survive to their first birthdays. Trisomy 21 is also called Down Syndrome, which is a chromosomal condition that is associated with intellectual disability, a characteristic facial appearance, and weak muscle tone (hypotonia) in infancy. All affected individuals experience cognitive delays, and the intellectual disability is usually mild to moderate. About half of all affected children are born with a heart defect. Individuals with Down syndrome have an increased risk of developing several medical conditions, delayed development and behavioral problems, and cognitive disorders (including Alzheimer's disease as they age). What would we have done if the test has returned an increased risk? Good question. It is good to remember that it's just a risk ratio, and not an absolute. According to babycentre, about one in 20 women will be given an risk result of higher than 1:300 and the vast majority will go on to have a normal baby. Even with a risk as high as 1:5, the baby has four out of five chances of not having Down syndrome. I guess we would have gone on to have the more invasive amniocentesis or CVS test so we could know for certain. We were even offered the brand new totally non-invasive and thus no risk of miscarrying $1200 blood test for Down Syndrome that goes to the USA. According to a study published in 2008 and based on figures from 1986 to 2004, co-authored by associate professor Jane Halliday, a public health genetics expert with Melbourne-based Murdoch Children's Research Institute, the vast majority of pregancies where there is a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome are terminated (95 per cent). With this safer testing now readily available (albeit very expensive), it's possible more women will test and terminate. This topic, before we underwent testing and whilst we were waiting for results, did bring up very interesting and often heated discussions with Hubby about what it means to have a child with a potential disability, what we think is quality of life, and what kind of parents we think we would be. It scares me a lot to think that I would have to parent and care for a child with disabilities well until their adulthood, and then worry about what would happen to them once I died or grew too old and frail to care for them. It also scares me to even contemplate termination, as this baby is so loved already. It also turns out I have a few prejudices that I didn't even know I had, and a slight anti-abortion stance (just regarding myself - hey, call it my Catholic convent schooling). I also think there is a lot of pressure to even undergo these tests - and with testing, goes the added pressure of making decisions based on the results of the test, and then living with the consequences of that decision. The NT test and blood tests at 12 weeks are so normalised in Australia that if you're a pregnant woman and chose NOT to have those tests, then you would be considered odd. I am glad I am in my 30s and can better make reasonable decisions based on what my and my families wants and needs are, being more able to withstand external pressures. |
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